he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
