Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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