it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think my fart just growled at me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Randomize
