I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
