I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
