96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
