I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
