I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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