Where is the hickey?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
