I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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