So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
