There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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