I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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