Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
