JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
