I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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