I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I can't turn off my feet"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
