Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
