Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
