I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
