just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
