I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
