I'm eating all of the evidence.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
