we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
