If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
