Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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