Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
