You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
im six kinds of drunk right now
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
