I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
