its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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