she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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