Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
