Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
