Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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