I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
