I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
