I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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