GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
