brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
