I want to walk on stilts...naked
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Found your dick twin last night
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
