I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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