someone get that fucking seahorse.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
