If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
