I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
