Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
