addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
