Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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