Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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