The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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