Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
