thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
