With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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