I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
