i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
being pregnant is like rehab
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
