I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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