Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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