Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
